Step right up

Step right up

Step right up

Step right up

Everyone's a winner, bargains galore

That's right, you too can be the proud owner

Of the quality goes in before the name goes on

One-tenth of a dollar

One-tenth of a dollar

We got service after sales

You need perfume? we got perfume

How 'bout an engagement ring?

Something for the little lady

Something for the little lady

Something for the little lady, hmm

Three for a dollar

We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale

And a smoke-damaged furniture

You can drive it away today

Act now, act now

And receive as our gift, our gift to you

They come in all colors, one size fits all

No muss, no fuss, no spills

You're tired of kitchen drudgery

Everything must go

Going out of business

Going out of business

Going out of business sale

Fifty percent off original retail price

Skip the middle man

Don't settle for less

How do we do it?

How do we do it?

Volume, volume, turn up the volume

Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate

Don't be caught with your drawers down

Don't be caught with your drawers down

You can step right up, step right up

That's right, it filets, it chops

It dices, slices, never stops

Lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn

And it mows your lawn

And it picks up the kids from school

It gets rid of unwanted facial hair

It gets rid of embarrassing age spots

It delivers a pizza

And it lengthens, and it strengthens

And it finds that slipper that's been at large

Under the chaise longe for several weeks

And it plays a mean Rhythm Master

It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar

And it's only a dollar, step right up

It's only a dollar, step right up'

Cause it forges your signature.

If not completely satisfied

Mail back unused portion of product

For complete refund of price of purchase

Step right up

Please allow thirty days for delivery

Don't be fooled by cheap imitations

You can live in it, live in it

Laugh in it, love in it

Swim in it, sleep in it

Live in it, swim in it

Laugh in it, love in it

Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets

That's right

And it entertains visiting relatives

It turns a sandwich into a banquet

Tired of being the life of the party?

Change your shorts

Change your life

Change your life

Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy

Get rid of your wife

And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax

Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack

See you later alligator

See you later alligator

And it steals your car

It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking

It's a friend, and it's a companion

And it's the only product you will ever need

Follow these easy assembly instructions

It never needs ironing

Well it takes weights off hips, bust

Thighs, chin, midriff

Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job

It is a job

And it strips the phone company free

Take ten for five exchange

And it gives you denture breath

And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion

And it gets rid of your traveler's checks

It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned

Well it takes care of business

Never needs winding

Never needs winding

Never needs winding

Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis

Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon'

Cause it's effective, it's defective

It creates household odors

It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection

It gives you an erection

It wins the election

Why put up with painful corns any longer?

It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation

No salesman will visit your home

We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot

Prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed

How do we do it

How do we do it

How do we do it

How do we do it

We need your business

We're going out of business

We'll give you the business

Get on the business

End of our going-out-of-business sale

Receive our free brochure, free brochure

Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions

Batteries not included

Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available

Step right up

Step right up

Step right up

You got it buddy: the large print giveth

And the small print taketh away

Step right up

You can step right up

You can step right up

C'mon step right up(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)

Step right up, step right up, step right up

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon

Step right up

You can step right up

C'mon and step right up

C'mon and step right up

(TOM WAITS)

Tom Waits: Small change